The Caveman is a fortress. Always guarded, secure, strong and impenetrable; he goes about his day showing no weakness, no sensitivity, and no reason to feel threatened. He is unshaken, attentive and on constant alert – until he has to sneeze.
Sneezing can be one of the most unnerving interruptions of a man’s day. One minute he is stern and unyielding; the next he is hunched over, defenseless and incapable of controlling his own body. The moment building up to the sneeze places the Caveman in a state of total vulnerability. His eyes are closed; his guard is down. His body is disobeying his every command to remain rigid and firm. From that first tingling sensation in his nostril until he involuntarily spews the foreign particles irritating his nasal hair, the Caveman is completely helpless.
While experiencing the disturbance of an oncoming sneeze, some men feel compelled to hide themselves as if what is happening to them is weird or wrong. The tactics for dodging witnesses and concealing a sneeze are all too common: running out of the room; covering the face with both arms; uselessly trying to suppress the sneeze only to let out a quiet, effeminate whisper of air.
The truth is these methods of sneeze-camouflage are nothing but a loud demonstration of the weakness you are trying to hide. The Caveman does not bury himself when he is afraid; nor does he place a veil over his insecurities in hopes that they won’t be discovered. The Caveman takes control of his moment of vulnerability and asserts his dominance. He possesses an array of masculine sneezes that shock the room into silence and command respect from everyone within ear shot. When sneezing, he lets out a thunderous crash that vibrates with the infinite force of his manliness. The Caveman’s sneeze is a declaration of his authority and supremacy over any obstacle. His sneeze is the ultimate testament of his masculinity.
It is the role of the Caveman to show that nothing can shake him and that nothing – not even nature – can stop him from carrying on and handling his responsibilities. No matter what, he is in control. His sneeze is his weapon and he wields it with the might of the warrior that he is. The lion does not fear his own roar and so you should never fear your own sneeze. To be the Caveman, you must never hold back. You must move with purpose, sneeze with intent, and valiantly carry on with your day.
For further guidance, check out this demonstration of a manly sneeze: